Walking the Wall

Wikipedia explains that Nirvana,
“In the Buddhist context it
carries the further connotations of stilling, cooling, and peace.” My
husband asked me, in the car tonight, what some of the best moments of
my life outside of giving birth to my children (which was a given).
Without trying to give it too much thought, some things popped into my
mind:

• I was given a kiss when I was in grade school, 2nd or 3rd grade,
  by a classmate, behind a dumpster. Not too long afterwards, he didn’t
  show up to class for a long time, and eventually we were told that he
  had died, Leukemia. I remember that the class had made a big paper
  mache dinosaur as a sortof memorial. I don’t know if it was highlighted
  in my mind because of his death not long after, combined with the first
  kiss–but it was a memory that quickly popped into my mind.
• Laying
  up on the branch of a very large oak tree across the street from where
  I lived. I loved that tree and the whole world was “right” when I was
  up in it. I remember one particular moment laying with my cheek pressed
  to the bark and feeling like a piece of a tree, just another branch.

I think it is not surprising that a few of my “moments” took place in
Togo, West Africa when I was 18. Leaving a very small, rural town, and a
relatively sheltered life, and then being exposed to such a different
culture, and climate, left very strong imprints on my mind. It was a
very large moment of growth, and held a few moments of nirvana.

Blind School: Africa   1/31/99

Moon on the mountain,
lush jungle waterfalls, and
skies crying rain walls.
Blissful songs chase the night breeze
by children who’ve never seen.

• Standing in a valley, green lush hills ahead, and watching a wall
  of rain glide down the hill, across the mountain, and wash over me.
• A gorgeous dark night at the Blind school, the acapella
  harmonizing of students out on the porch, while drums beat in a
  haunting rhythm from a village further in the jungle.
• Sitting at the top of a mountain with children sitting by me and
  on me looking at the largest moon I have ever seen just sitting there
  like a giant reflection I could reach out and touch, which would send ripples
  out as if it was a pool of water.

Other moments:

• Eight years ago driving home from signing up for college, 11 years after
  graduating from highschool, making a first step towards doing what I
  want to do when I “grow” up–its a slow road I’m on, but the right one.
• Falling out of an airplane–no, the whole time of free fall was
  not stilling, cooling, or peaceful–but the intial sense of just
  leaning out and falling moved like slow motion and that moment holds a
  piece of still, cool, quiet, peace.