Walking the Wall

I was coming home from my Shakespeare class this evening at the end of
a long day. I was tired, I was stressed, I was working myself into a
fine frenzy. After a number of failed phone calls to try and find
someone to pull me out of the dumps, a fair amount of curse words, and
finally a good laugh at myself for preaching about finding your center
within yourself, being responsible for your own happiness, finding your
bliss and living in it–and here I was upset that there was no one to
make me feel better. I reminded myself that eternity was not an amount
of time, but a moment that we are in now–and I was wasting my moment
of eternity on a pity party. Phew, hopefully next time I’ll remember
all that BEFORE wasting so much time.

This whole episode got me thinking about the play we are currently
discussing in class, Othello. This has always been one of my favorite
plays but it was especially applicable tonight.  We spent much of
the class trying to come to a consensus about what Iago’s motive was
for all the horrible plots and nastiness that he instigated–jealousy,
greed, revenge, power–these were all examined and discarded as not
being the “whole” picture. I believe his motive was simply for the sake
of chaos. We as humans–then, and now–seem to surround ourselves with
chaos and drama. When we don’t have any legitimate turmoil, we make our
own, or exaggerate small problems to generate large problems. Why? It
would seem that sometimes its to feel alive, like we have convinced
ourselves that we are wasting our lives, or piddling away our time if
we are calm, peaceful, and at ease. We don’t want to think too much, so
we keep things so loud and so busy and so emotionally charged that
we don’t hear whatever it is that whispers to us when its quiet and
calm. We have forgotten how to simply be. We aren’t good mothers if our
kids
aren’t industrious every moment of the day, we aren’t good fathers if
we aren’t working 70 hours a week, we aren’t good women if we aren’t
working full time, going to school, being perfect mothers, and keeping
the house like June Cleaver, we aren’t good kids if we aren’t in school
all day, homework for x amount of hours, this club, that club, this
organization, all pencilled in with a half an hour to grab a bite to eat
and straight A’s on the report card, we aren’t good people if we are
sitting on a bench “wasting time” watching birds and flowers grow–we
should be doing something! So much drama, Shakespeare understood this:

I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano;
A stage where every man must play a part,
And mine a sad one.
       The Merchant of Venice, Act 1 Scene 1

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
       As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 7

If this were played upon a stage now, I could
condemn it as an improbable fiction.
       Twelfth Night, Act 3, Scene 4

When we are born, we cry that we are come
To this great stage of fools:
       King Lear, Act 4, Scene 6

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
       Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5

Let heaven kiss earth! now let not Nature’s hand

Keep the wild flood confined! let order die!

And let this world no longer be a stage

To feed contention in a lingering act;

       Henry IV, Part II, Act 1 Scene 1

“Let this world no longer be a stage / to feed
contention,” that’s what it really comes down to, do we wish to feed
contention and chaos and emotional upheaval for the sake of feeling
alive, or do we find a way to be alive in the spaces between inevitable
spikes and plunges of great joys or great sorrows. When I came home
tonight and watched my recorded Ellen show, there was a little girl
name Kassandra
who had found strength of spirit in herself in the middle of pain,
compassion for others when she could have been absorbed in her own
hurts, and the will power to effect positive change in the lives of
people doing battle for more time on the stage. She has a website
called Love Comes First
where she makes necklaces and bracelets with beads standing for LOVE -
FAITH - TEARS & STRUGGLES - COURAGE - TRANSFORMATION, CHILDREN
& PATIENCE, and THE CURE FOR CANCER. Her stage doesn’t feed
contention, it feeds peace and hope. Thank you, Kassandra, for
reminding me that I might not be able to control everything on the
stage, but I can control my own lines and stage directions.