Walking the Wall

For a long time they looked at the river beneath them,
saying nothing, and the river said nothing too, for it felt very quiet
and peaceful on this summer afternoon.

“Tigger is all right really,” said Piglet lazily.

“Of course he is,” said Christopher Robin.

“Everybody is really,” said Pooh. “That’s what I think,” said Pooh. “But I don’t suppose I’m right,” he said.

“Of course you are,” said Christopher Robin.
   
               
–Quoted from Benjamin Hoff’s The Tao of Pooh, page 65.

My son came out last night after having a trying evening
trying to get himself to bed, he was tired, and mostly frustrated with
himself. “There is something wrong with me,” he kept saying. It broke
my heart because he so sincerely believed what he was saying. He has
had this problem for a very long time because he is different than
other kids his age. He has a rare syndrome, he is 15 years old and is
about 4 feet tall and unlikely to get much taller. He has another
syndrome that makes his immune system crappy requiring shots every
other day and being careful to not be exposed to catchable illnesses.
So, it is understandable that he feel that he is different than
everyone else–but I am working hard to make sure he understands that
his differences are physical, and that doesn’t make who a person is. We
talked a long time about people last night, how most people in the
world, and most especially–most 15 year olds–think there is something
wrong with them. I know that I did long after I was 15 years old, I
always felt that there was something wrong with me and that if anyone
saw me on the inside, they would not love me. I was obsessed with the
idea of wanting someone to know me completely and still think I was
beautiful inside. Insecurity is not, unfortunately, a rare thing in
humanity. We talked about some of the things that, he thought, made him
different: one was that he has been having trouble concentrating on
reading and after reading forgets what he just read and has to start
over again. We talked about how many people had difficulties reading,
his father has the exact same problem with reading, as does his
grandmother. We all have strong suits, my daughter and I read very fast
with excellent retention, my husband is excellent at math and I can’t
remember my multiplication tables to this day, Michael builds incredible
things with anything handy and can do wonders with a scanner and
computer–I’m sure like his father and grandfather, he could probably
read the schematics to a house a figure out how to build one in no time
flat! He has other quirks that concern him, washing his hands–which
had started to become excessive after being sick one time–but he has
gained control of that–and it is no wonder he does this given his
understanding of his immune system!

People are quirky, we all have our little idiosyncrasies, and it is
what makes us individuals and interesting. I have to check all the
windows and door locks in the house every night and cannot sleep with
windows open. I have had to learn to check myself from doing it more
than once a night. My daughter has my tendency to insomnia and has had
to learn various tools such as breathing, telling herself stories,
quiet music, etc. to get herself to sleep. My husband has to constantly
repeat himself, “Is that person crazy doing it like that” he might say
of someone on a television show, and then repeat that over and over
until they are done–drives me crazy! LOL!

Anyway, by the end of our talk, I think he understood that teenagers
the whole world over were plagued by insecurities and worries–they are
in the middle of that incredibly (and exhausting) process of figuring
out who they are–a process that can take a lifetime. And that each
person was uniquely different with all sorts of issues, that
understanding our issues and working to improve them is part of the
human process of growth. Piglet, Pooh, and Christopher Robin are right–everyone really is all right.